Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
