i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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