I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
