i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
