I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
