I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
