I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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