he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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