Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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