Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
