I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
