yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
