I'm eating all of the evidence.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
