Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
