Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
