i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
