I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
