Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
