It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
