remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
