this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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