I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
PANTIES FOUND
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