she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
