You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
