I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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