Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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