I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
