I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
