Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
