We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
