he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
