i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
