Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
