I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
