I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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