I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
