I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
