and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
