So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
