the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
