happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
