Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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