I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
