I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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