I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
