so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it's great music for shaving your balls
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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