Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
