My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
