umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
