Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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