i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
